If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
