Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
