Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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