So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
