He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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