it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
