Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
