I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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