I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
