Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
