i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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