I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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