i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
