dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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