you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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