i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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