I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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