You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people