the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?