I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
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Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck