i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible