We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
