Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize