My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
