it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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