I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
