Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
