She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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