is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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