I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
