Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
