She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
