I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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