I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
