when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
