and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
