I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
