Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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