a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
