I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
