The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
