the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
