Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
