i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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