just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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