it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
