No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
