Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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