So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
