i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
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I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize