This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
