Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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