I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is Oprah even human
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
