the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
