Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
