ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
