dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
