just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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