Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful