i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed