At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS