Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.