There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
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I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
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