NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
