Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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