I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
