thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
