My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
