you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
