my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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